A Kerouac crisis

I am no writer seeking to enlighten you on the correct path of life. I do not go to church every weekend, nor do I pray every night, even though I am a Christian. Therefore, do not expect my writings to casually quote biblical passages, nor to be that spiritual scripture that will everlastingly encourage you to follow the orthodox way of living. I am a teenager coming up with reflections that seek to stimulate minuscule amounts of people into the realization of things within our society. Hence, I will not always be right when doing what is right.

Now that that’s settled, I want to be On the Road. I want to be Kerouac with Cassidy on the highways of a 1960s America. I want to live the lifestyle of the Beats, and recklessly commit irrational actions out of a knowledgeable mind, in a foolish state of conscience. For I have a need of breaking free from a daily routine and abolish a parent pro-claimed identity to establish one of my own. My life is having a constant famine to loosen its connections and to perchance, one day, liberate itself from a traditional society into one that can undertake the differences of those beings that are capable of living a life beyond that of routine.

Expected to get respectable grades, go to a college with a name, get married, have kids and continue with the family’s business, I temporarily demand a contrast from a gray life into a multicolored one of unexpected occurrences. As it is not that I desire to be a free-spirited root forever- that will be ungrateful towards my family’s efforts- but I do crave a need of pausing my current life-style to become a nomad, to become unrecognized, to have no last name, to have no expectations placed upon my future self, and to embody the literal definition of what the word freedom symbolizes. Within this paused-state of my life, I have no longing of doing anything rebellious, or those that a “normal adolescent” would do. Hence, I am not looking forward to doing anything illegal. But I do yearn to embrace the real meaning of freedom by for instance, travelling without any preparation. In addition, this “freedom” would include an emancipation from institutions, and although I would be (wherever I can achieve my longing) in an institution-based place, their relevance will not be felt. As, in order to know whether I will be truly content to adjustment, I have to misadjust.

It is essential for a person to experience things before gaining any responsibility. Gloomily, there are those with the mind of a box whose desire for alteration never sprout in the correct time of their lives and were held with office jobs too quickly. Thus, when turning forties, they have a midlife crisis. I have no wish of being that fifty-year-old next door neighbor who, filled with regrets towards the actions she wished she would have done in her youth, burns to be juvenile once again. Neither do I wish to be that “motorcycle grandma” who was never capable of achieving an admirable thing in her life, while stuck with the idea that her youth is still in the present. I want to be a somebody who once in her life disguised herself and became a no one, while being at once with the Earth and breathing that liberating spirit of uncertainty. Hypothetically, I could travel to an unthinkable place by the mainstream and make a life of my own in it for as long as three months. Or perhaps, travel in an RV without any knowledge of where I could possibly be roaming to, while tasting the life of those I meet throughout my journey whose realities greatly contrast with mine.

I have a Kerouac crisis; I need to feel improbable, uncomfortable and rebellious. I cannot foresee what would I do within this provisional freedom, as the odyssey itself would be undefined. Nevertheless, I can undeniably predict the feeling and emotion I would receive if I ever have the possibility to experience this provisional freedom, and it is the one every human being seeks throughout their lifetime; happiness.

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